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Category Archives: Happiness

My Perfect Day: Family

Posted on May 9, 2012 by Ben Friedrich

sunrise

I wake up. My eyes focusing on the ceiling above the bed. For a couple seconds the fog of sleep clings to me, then I think of the day ahead and smile wide. My arms reach up above my head as I execute a big stretch, then I roll to my left. I brush soft hair back from the face of the woman sleeping next to me, then I give her cheek a kiss. Her mouth twitches upwards in the start of her own smile, but she remains sleeping.

I roll back to my left and sit upright, with my hands pressed against the mattress. My head is bowed for a moment in prayer. Lord, give me your strength. Help me to give my all today. To think the right thoughts, say the proper things, to remember why I’m here. Guide my steps and keep me walking the right path. Thank you for all the amazing blessings you’ve given me. Amen.

I stand up and head to the bathroom. Several large glasses of water and one icy cold shower later I was am wide awake and ready for the day. I start some coffee, then grabbed my shoes and my Bible. Outside it is cool, but not too cold. The sun is still down below the hills. I start out at a brisk pace, heading up to the top of the hill. There I sit down at the base of a large tree, facing the direction of sunrise, and start to read.

It gets brighter, and I look up to watch the sunrise. What a beautiful day.

I walk around my property a little longer, getting my thoughts in order for the day, and thinking of the many projects I still had to get down around the place. Down at the bottom of the hill I can see my house, nestled comfortably into the green landscape. Well constructed, well taken care off, and radiating an inviting aura of hospitality. Just looking at the place, and thinking of the memories I am making there, is enough to make me smile.

Back inside I grab a cup of coffee and sit down to start on my first project of the day. A book that I’d been working at for a long time. It is finally coming together, and I’m getting close to completing it now. For the next several hours I write, completely absorbed in the task at hand and not noticing the time passing.

I finally sit back, and sigh contentedly. Done. Then I feel warm hands settle onto my shoulders.

“Good Morning, babe.” Says my beautiful wife, kissing my cheek and smiling. “How is the writing going?”

I stand and put my arms around her waist. “I finished it.”

She smiles up at me. “I’m so proud of you. You’ve been working so hard on this book.”

She gets quiet for a moment. “I have something to tell you.”

My heart jumps and it must have shown on my face.

“Silly.” She says, laughing at the look on my face. “It’s not something bad! It’s something amazing! We’re having another baby.”

I stand there absorbing the news. I am wearing a huge, silly grin, and at the same time tears are streaming down my face. “I’m so happy. So blessed. I love you.”

The rest of the day is spent with my gorgeous, pregnant wife and my beautiful toddlers. One boy, and one girl. I am so blessed.

Now it’s your turn. Think about what would be your perfect day. Write it down! Remember, if you don’t know what you want then you’ll never know when you have it.

 

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Destination Unknown

Posted on November 29, 2011 by Ben Friedrich

I interviewed when I was seventeen years old. A few months later I was playing hero on a fire engine. Goal decided and target acquired. For the next several years I studied and learned, applying myself to the career track of a fire fighter. Somewhere along the way my focus started to wander. Trying to renew the vigor and excitement I started with, I applied for a law enforcement job. The next two years were spent working for the sheriff’s department. I’ve since moved on to working as a software tester. Through all these changes I’ve struggled with finding my identity. What ties it all together? As I move from place to place, what am I striving for and what should I be preparing for? In every job I’ve held I have been easily replaceable. How can I change that and find a place where I’m doing the most important thing I can and where I’d be the most difficult to replace?

I want my life to be one of those connect the dot pictures. With each point along the way drawing my life’s story towards more completeness.

I’ve been in a place where I lost hope and I know that losing it is a very dangerous thing indeed. Things close in around you. Dreaming big starts to feel, and even become, impossible. All the things I’d done didn’t feel like they were part of something bigger.

I didn’t have a future vision and without a vision you will leave no legacy.

How can I chart a proper course and know my destination?

A. Be Honest

Wake up each day and look in the bathroom mirror, asking the person who stares back where they stand in God’s eyes. Until you can start to happily and honestly answer that question then your growth will be stunted. You will work against yourself with every step you take.

Be honest to both yourself and to others. It’s all the little, seemingly inconsequential lies we tell ourselves that always seem to eat at our souls. Nibbling away slowing. Almost unnoticed until it’s too late. I didn’t really speak that harshly, no need to reconcile. I don’t eat bad at all. My habits don’t control me. I don’t need to ask forgiveness for THAT….

It’s easy to dismiss it as something other than lying. Often it is just a “pushing to the back of the mind” of certain thoughts and guilt. Trying to cover what needs uncovering. But no endless supply of positive thoughts or uplifting mantras will keep the skeletons buried. Slowly, persistently, they rise to the surface.

Practice complete honesty. Admit what is broken. Start with honesty to yourself, then live it out with the honesty you give to others. That is the first step to fixing those things and moving on.

B. Find Your Vision

Gary North, author and creator of garynorth.com has an excellent tool for finding your life’s vision. You imagine yourself at your own retirement party. In every detail you think of the speech you want to give to those who have gathered. Who do you want to be there, cheering for you and the life you’ve led? What are you the most excited for having accomplished during your life?

Authors use this technique to write novels all the time. They ask themselves, How does it all end? Then they fill all the pages in between the beginning and that ending. Use the same thing in your life. It won’t make your life “boring.” You may know the ending, but all the pages in between are blank and full of adventure. It will bring both motivation AND peace when you know where you want to end up. You know what you’re working towards, so you can start to develop the battle plan, and you can dream up all the tactics you need to follow to reach that final destination and victory.

A lot of the trivial “bucket list” items will lose value as you develop this future vision of where you are headed. We run around frantically, disjointedly racking up accomplishments to wow others with, instead of buckling down and doing the work that will actually bring us more in line with our Calling.

A heavy burden is lifted from your shoulders when you have a plan. Know where you are headed and the present suddenly becomes much more exciting and full of opportunity.

I’m working on my future vision. Why don’t you develop a vision for your life as well?

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Stop Wasting Your Thoughts on the Wrong Things

Posted on November 21, 2011 by Ben Friedrich

I thought about it for weeks. It probably occupied my thoughts a dozen times a day. Still, it sat undone.

Over forty pages to complete for the law enforcement agency’s background check. That’s a lot of work! I thought. Often I even stressed myself out thinking about all the details I needed to collect to complete the packet.

Closer and closer the deadline creeped.

Finally, the deadline was two days away. I couldn’t procrastinate on this project any longer. I picked up the sheaf of papers and my phone. Only 5 hours later I’d completed the entire packet, sealed it up, and shipped it out.

“I do my best work when the pressure is on.” It’s a common refrain among procrastinators. I have guiltily followed that philosphy for years. I think of what needs doing, then spend my time doing fancy mathematical calculations in my head. Just exactly how long can I keep putting it off?

I would become a flesh and blood version of the statue of The Thinker. Chin in hand and resigned to being frozen in inaction. Contemplating what needs doing and never taking action.

I like to think about working out. I like to think about writing. I like to think about getting out of bed. It’s so easy and seemingly rewarding to think of doing while never getting around to the actual DOING part.

How productive could a day be if you stopped just thinking about what needs to be done and actually accomplished it instead?

Do it today.

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How to Wake Up Happy

Posted on November 17, 2011 by Ben Friedrich

I’m tired. Sick. So very tired of being sick. All I want is to have energy and to play in the sun, and travel around the world, and be loved, and to be able to give love to those around me. Being in really good shape would be cool too, and being talented at playing the piano, and becoming super smart like Leonardo Da Vinci, and flying jets would also be fun…

One time I made a list. It was called my “If only…” list. Every project that I’d begun and forgotten was on that list. All the relationships that I’d let drift into nothingness. If only I hadn’t done ____. If only I had done ____. I didn’t stop writing because I ran out of things to write on the list. I stopped writing because I ran out of paper. It scared me.

For almost a month after that I was deep into a state of depression. It’s always been easy for me to lower my spirits into a dark place. The more I tuck and hide away my thoughts and weaknesses from others, the heavier the weight that bears me down and down.

I’d been sick since the beginning of the year. My energy seemed to wax and wane in a cyclic fashion. For weeks at a time I would feel amazing, but these times always seemed to be followed by a sudden crash. My spirits often plummeted along with my energy.

Each day I’d wake up a little later. Stay in bed a little longer. If I allowed my thoughts to stay buried in self-pity then my attitude would start to feed on itself and become increasingly worse.

I hope to write more about my health journey in a later post. Human nature often hides that which makes us look weak. We each try to hide the struggles that play within our souls and in our bodies. We play pretend that what we are is perfect. It embarrasses us to allow others to know about the struggles and fears. The imperfections.

People don’t want to hear lies though. They want the honest, raw truth. They want to know your story. What did you do? How did you overcome your health problems – or some other struggle in your life?

This is how I try to keep myself waking up with a playful spirit:

1. Praying before sleep and before I do anything else when I wake up. This alone can complete turn around my attitude, keep me from indulging in self-defeating attitudes, and really set the day up for success. Meditating day and night on the Word. Staying anchored in it so I won’t drift.

2. Keeping a “set in stone” morning routine. This really focuses me. I wake up with more energy when I know exactly what the morning has planned and how I’ll go about accomplishing it. I feel best when I wake up at 5:30 a.m. and pray first thing. Following that with reading the Bible. Then diving straight into work.

3. Getting some sun every day. This helps with calcium metabolism, immunity, gene expression, and melatonin production. Vitamin D is absolutely essential to health. I sleep like a baby when I get 30 minutes to an hour of sun a day. If I can’t make time, or it’s one of those dark, rainy days, then I will supplement with 4,000 IU of D3.

4. Keeping a consistent bedtime. This goes hand in hand with the morning routine. I won’t feel good if I don’t get 7 to 8 hours of quality sleep, and I won’t get that if I stay up late and then try to keep the morning routine up as well. It takes self-discipline, but it’s one of the highest impact changes I’ve made.

5. Avoiding media consumption within an hour of bedtime. Avoiding blue light from artificial sources right before bed is critical. Exposure to blue light limits the body’s production of melatonin. That’s a great thing during the middle of the day. However, when I’m are getting ready for bed then I want melatonin, the sleep hormone, to start building in my body. This means that I will enter deeper sleep sooner after going to bed, and thus wake up more rested. I love to take advantage of that redeemed hour before sleep to read, pray, and write (pen and paper).

What helps you to wake up happy?

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